I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
