we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
