I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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