stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
