just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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