If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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