I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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