I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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