The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
