then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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