I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
