the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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