problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
