I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
