It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
