OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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