THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
