When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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