i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
