Whod you bang
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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