i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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