I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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