I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
