some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
