I just cut my nipple shaving
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize