Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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