I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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