I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
