I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
