The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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