get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
