That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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