It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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