get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
