you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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