he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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