3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
