she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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