Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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