My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
