What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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