There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
