my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize