I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
