wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
