I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
