i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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