We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
