I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
