franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
