Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
someone owes me an orgasm
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
