I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
