That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
