I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
