dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
