Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
