nut hugger
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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