THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
