Buhtt sex?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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