the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
