her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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