i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
