your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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