i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
