dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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